Catering

A fancy restaurant near our neighborhood is hiring waiters, and some of us got the job description through a PhD email listserv. This got a friend and I thinking: what if there were a restaurant that hired grad students specifically because of things they do? What would patron-server interactions be like?

-

Patron. I hate this dish.
Server. I'm sorry sir, but it is exactly what you asked for.

-

P. Where's my food?
S. I brought it half an hour ago.
P. What? Can you organize my table so I can find it?

-

S. I see that you would have preferred for me to add this unnecessary garnish you feel is central to the dish because it comes from your garden.

-

P. I love this dish; it's perfect, but it's clearly just a microwaved version of what I make myself.

-

S. May I take your order sir?
P. Why would you ask that?
S. Umm, because this is a restaurant?
P. And what does a restaurant do?
S. Uh, it provides food?
P. I am fascinated at your lack of confidence in your banal explications of conventional structures like this. I want you to make me a salad that reflects this order I've just placed.
S. Did you just place an order?
P. And make sure it's nothing like that lady's salad over there. Fuck her.